Every other blog seems to have touched on this topic...well, some of them anyway. I figured I would join the ranks.
I am assuming that everyone has heard about the woman in CA who had octuplets a few weeks ago. Wow, that's a lot of kids...but then we find out that she already had 6 other children at home. If you thought 8 was a lot...well 14 is just crazy, right?
There are lots of large families who have been able to create a great life for themselves. I can think of a few with children numbering 7 or more. But this woman has become the target of a lot of hatred. Why?
There are the obvious reasons some people give: she isn't married, she can't support them, she doesn't have a job, she may not be mentally 'stable', her reasons for having the kids weren't what we thought they should be, etc. Is that all? When I think about this person, I get angry as well. I feel sorry for the children. I also feel jealous. Now I'm not saying I want 8 babies...all at once. But I am jealous that this woman gets to experience this miracle SOOO many times over. I am jealous that she apparently has no selflessness. She seems to have no regard for anyone other than herself...and she's fine with it. Rack up a whole bunch of debt and wait for someone else to bail you out.
Obviously this woman is not good at taking advice from friends and family. It made me think that there must be people in everyone's life that are like this woman....on some level. Do we have the right to tell them what to do because we think we know best? Maybe they're racking up too much debt...maybe they're having kids they can't support...etc. We may be pretty sure we know best...should we offer unsolicited advice? In my case I find it hard to bite my lip when I 'think' I know something. I know that if I don't give them my two cents, it will be me and others cleaning up the mess afterwards. But does that make it right? Am I rambling???? Is someone advising me to stop this post now? :)
I guess I'm asking you readers what you think about the octomom's case....and is it right to give people advice they didn't ask for? Is it right to say "I told you so" in hopes it helps stop future mistakes? Should we still step in to help with the aftermath? Should I even have bothered to write this?
One more thing...if you want to post and not leave your name...that's fine - give me your solicited two cents!
4 comments:
Well, for one I was really upset and angry when I found out that she already had 6 kids at home, aged 7 and under no less. two she is not working well how in the world can she?? she obviously does not have the time, When you are blessed to be a parent it is a full time job, and there is no way that she will be able to give all the children the same amount of time each day, and she will probably love some more than others, after losing a child, and seeing that this woman has 14 with no income, it just floors me, I get so irritated when women take having kids for granted. I would have loved to have more kids, but thank god I stopped when i did, we cannot afford more at this time, especially with me wondering if my job will be there in 5 months. this woman lives in California and them unemployed people are getting IOU's in the mail instead of checks, so how can she be getting some kind of welfare?? well Deb you ask for my opinion and I gave it to you, some may agree and some not, but this is how I feel.
The woman in CA is nuts - as are the drs who 'helped' her.
Your other point about unsolicited advice is trickier. Sometimes the right word at the right time is very effective - it has the potential to turn people's lives around. Sometimes we know the right thing to do but can't quite get ourselves to do it and a fresh perspective helps us see the light. I guess it's like a lot of other things in life - there is no answer - seek it lovingly.
It's interesting ... according to the latest I've read, Octomom is worried that the hospital won't release her kids. I kind of hope that they won't and am kind of relieved that they're stepping up to the plate.
It will be a burden on the California taxpayers, but ... I really worry about their future.
re: "octomom": like the rest of us, she can want what she wants-- & for most of us, at some point someone says "no". I tend to think the doctors should have done that with her- most people would think six children is enough in her particular situation, especially considering the special needs kids.
re: the other, larger point: there is nothing wrong with unsolicited advice-- provided it isn't the overbearing kind that doesn't give the recipient some wiggle room. The thing is, there's a lot of things we don't *know* we're right about... we just think we are. And I think if someone doesn't take our advice, but is making a good faith effort to do the 'right thing' and needs some support, we should do what we can.
But like I said, I don't Know. You came up with a real "thought-provoking" topic this time indeed.
Jim
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